Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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