he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
