Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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