This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
