Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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