my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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