Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
