I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Randomize
