I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
