I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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