Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
