I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
