I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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