I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
