Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
