hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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