You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
