Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
