Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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