If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
