Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize