He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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