My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize