he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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