My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize