ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
