she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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