you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
