I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize