We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize