do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
