Have you finally orgasmed yet?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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