Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found the puke drawer
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
