I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
