I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
