we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
