it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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