is your mom at the bar?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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