Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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