is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
