Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
