if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
