I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
