you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
