Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The chlamydia really affected his face.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Holy sore nipples Batman
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
