Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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