the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
