Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
