He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
