im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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