true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
