Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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