Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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