Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Congratulations! We have a period
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
