I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
