I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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