I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
