she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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