What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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