I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
