i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
