Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
