I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
