I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I touched a dick in church today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
