you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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