Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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