woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
