i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
