none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
