he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So many bounce houses so little time
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
