wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
