There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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