I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
