He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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