grandma shit on top of the toilet
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
