seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
