getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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