I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
