It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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