then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there's paper in my vomit.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
