I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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