whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
