I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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