i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
