you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
