the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize