Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
