have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
