It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
