My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
