Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
