butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish my penis had a tongue
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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