i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
