There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
