i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
