Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize