dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
