When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
