We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
