He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
