I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
