do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
