hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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