Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
