shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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