They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Boobs are out for the taking
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
